We Wish You a Merry Shopping
Confessions of a Brand Manager
Dispatch #1
We wish you a merry Shopping to all who celebrate! And even if you don’t celebrate (we love to embrace all cultures here at The Market), perhaps you can still find a little something here amongst our selection that will tickle your fancy, or maybe you’re browsing for a special someone. In any case, welcome welcome!
Here at The Market, we don’t really think of ourselves as a business, but more like your friendly neighborhood liaison to you manifesting your best, intentional life, filled with joy and relaxation. We don’t sell the old-fashioned sort of products here. In fact, YUCK, we don’t even like the word “product.” Here, we sell you your MOOD. We know that ever since the crisis, you like to put your wellness at the forefront of your decision-making. That’s why here at The Market, we organize our inventory not by traditional category, but by emotion. Do you need some invigoration? Feeling a little anxious and need something soporific? Are you seeking some delight? Need to be amped the f**k up?! We have it all!
Ah-hah, I see the Nostalgic Skin Care has caught your eye. Well let me just say you are a man with formidable taste, not to mention how modern of you to embrace a traditionally female product category—er I mean MOOD category. Skin care is a fruitful investment in your long-term health and well-being. I can certainly recommend this exfoliating lotion for bringing back those precious childhood memories of simpler times. It’s a best-seller here!
Hey who put the calming gels next to the energizing scarfs?!? DEBORAH!
My apologies for that outburst. It’s just that, as you know, it’s all very central to our core values and mission statement that we support your emotional needs and we don’t want to risk a mix-up or goof. Could you even imagine if after a long, stressful day of work you get home and brew yourself a cup of what you THOUGHT was soothing tea, but instead it was a sorrow blend?? You know how litigious customers tend to be…
Any who, we are now making our way from the tangible to the intangible section of our wonderful store, please watch your step. Come, come, don’t be shy!
These are all of our latest offerings. We seek to be at the forefront of innovation and trends. We know it’s harder and harder these days for the youngsters to own anything of their own. In fact, we totally get that reality is quite a drag and bummer lots of the time. You yourself look like a rather young man, so I suppose you don’t need me to tell you this. That’s why we offer digital alter egos. We realize that not everyone has the same opportunities out there in this mean old world, which is why we are innovating new digital experiences. We are proud to be democratizing Reality! Our aim is to give you the life you not only desire, but deserve! For a simple 4-part installment plan of just $19.99, you will be hard-pressed to find a better deal elsewhere!
Now will this be cash or credit?